I love retail therapy. I really really really love retail therapy. I’ve used the term retail therapy unabashedly for years. After a hard week, or month (or hour) I’ll say to my husband, “I’m going to Winners, I need some retail therapy.” And he’d nod and know that it was something I “needed”, though he wouldn’t understand (more on him later). I even recently became a stylist for a jewelry company, the kind that sells jewelry to women in their homes, mostly so I could BUY more. It was THE BEST. All of a sudden instead of feeling guilty about spending money on myself, it was business, and I needed this stuff, as display pieces and to wear so everyone could see the latest THING. But I began to notice something. I got a huge high ordering the latest thing, but that wore off almost as soon as I had opened the box. And all of a sudden I’d want to do it all over again. I was buying more clothes to keep up with my jewelry, and wanted to have “what all the instagram fashion bloggers are wearing”. We consolidated our money system so that we would know where it was all going and what we were doing with it. We decided to cut DOWN to $350 a month on discretionary spending and I would blow through it in the first week or two and then eat away at the next month’s discretionary fund before that period had even started! WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?!
Because of all of this, and during all of this, and perhaps out of all of this, I think I realized that maybe I did have a crisis when I turned 30 last year. I have two little girls, who take up a huge amount of my time (and love), we had been living in a city I wasn’t overly happy in for almost 6 years, and I wasn’t quite sure who I was anymore. But it took me until this year to figure out that what I thought was “fine”, was actually “in crisis” (or just generally freaking the fuck right out). The jewelry thing helped me reach out to other women my age, my stage of life who had little kids or cool fashion, or just seemed nice, to offer something, besides just myself. I was lonely, to put it baldly.
I’ll fast-track this, as I’m getting a bit off-topic. I think I was using “stuff” as a band aid for the unhappiness I was feeling (for a long list of reasons that I may or may not get into here). So I want to STOP with the STUFF.
I’m aiming to go a whole year without buying anything “new” for me, potentially even for the girls too. House is a bit of a dodgy area for me, we just moved into a new-to-us home and we need things like a fridge and a stove, so we will play that one by ear.
I’m going to use this blog to keep myself accountable, to track some of my thought processes, some of the research I’ve been doing already into things like fast fashion, minimalism, the second-hand economy, etc. Or to share pieces of advice or inspiration or whatever is going on in my head. Hopefully it’s interesting!
First day: TOMORROW! Monday, June 12:0 Wish me luck!