How hard is this?!

Ok, deviation from the Geneen Roth post from last week, cause, this has been the week of holy poop. This has been like the month of holy poop. Since moving to Edmonton it has been NON STOP. I’m a basket case at this point, and have taken away one of my biggest coping mechanisms. Shopping.

So instead, I’ve been eating. I actually said to my mother last week, “I actually think my relationship with food has settled down, I don’t feel like I struggle with food right now”. HA! That was the week it all fell apart and I feel like I’ve done all the bad things I was so proud of myself for not doing. Basically I’ve been eating when I’m not hungry. First cardinal rule of food. Don’t eat when you aren’t hungry! Don’t finish the bites left on the kids plates unless you NEED them, don’t eat in between meals unless you NEED the sustenance, don’t eat after dinner unless you are HUNGRY. I have been doing all the bad things. Because I can’t shop. I’ve basically substituted one addiction for another. As I write this I’ve finished off the last of a bag of Miss Vicky’s salt and vinegar chips, and had one of those twix bites. AND I’M NOT HUNGRY! UGHHHHHH.

To be fair, eating is FASTER than shopping. I haven’t had TIME to even go to Southgate in the last three weeks even though I live next to it. But my online shopping has stopped entirely, which has been a huge part of my spending. I had even signed up for one of the online clothing subscription boxes, which sent me clothing in my mailbox every month! Talk about THRILLING. But the clothes weren’t working out, and cutting back on spending included the automatic $100 plus I was spending every month just because it was easier than sending it back.

So in some ways I am enjoying the challenge. I am enjoying not even thinking about spending. Instead of worrying about “Did I spend too much” this month?” “Should I buy that???”, I just don’t. I just don’t think about it. Things I’ve thought about buying and need advice on include:

  • Pillows- the ones that we have are yellowed like crazy, any suggestions? I’ve already put them out in the garbage can, I think we bought them 5 years ago. So: Ick. But we have enough of them to last us for a while.
  • Mira wants swim goggles. Which I don’t even know where to buy. And she wants them for TOMORROW. Oi.
  • I’m going to VEGAS next week. Which is going to be hard. Super hard. Except that it will be 3000000 degrees outside so I likely won’t want to leave and go shopping. Cause those outlet malls are HOT.
  • Shorts. I need more shorts. I’m a bit terrified about scoping thrift stores for shorts. But I’m going to do it. I have ONE pair of denim shorts that are actually wearable in public. The other denim ones I have are pretty ugly and only for around the house. And I never wear the khaki and navy pairs that I have.

 

JOY. Where do you find it, if not in shiny new pretty things that make you feel good. I’m really really really struggling with that. Exercise sure helps, if I manage to drag my butt out of the house. Food actually doesn’t help. At all. So what do you do to bring yourself that LIFT that shopping always did for me??

I am trying to keep my eyes on the future and not on the old, but I’m still struggling this week. And I didn’t feel like writing another book report this week.

Nighty night:D HELP!

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