I think I did! I think I did really well! I’m sure other people will have opinions about that, but I think I did really well, emotionally, shopping-wise…which is what mattered.
I’ll back up. It was the annual Stella & Dot conference in Las Vegas this past week, and I was terrified. Mark used to call Vegas the very epitome of capitalism, of materialism, so I wasn’t sure how my little vow to stop shopping was going to go. And it WAS HARD. The other stylists at that conference are STYLISH, and have the very latest in all the clothes and all the shoes, and my insecurities sprang up with a vengeance. On the third day we ended up at Marshall’s to get Amy a new pair of bikini bottoms and there were a LOT of cute clothes staring me in the face. But I honestly didn’t REALLY want any of them. I could see the difference in the quality, and in my mind I kept asking myself, “I wonder where these clothes came from?”. Having learned a bit about “fast fashion” and the people and eco-systems it hurts, I want to start making better choices about where and how my clothes are made. Which is going to require more time and more research into what that means. Which I haven’t yet had time to do.
I had one almost slip where I picked up a shirt for Mark at the Hard Rock hotel and almost bought it for him. And there was kids’ book about how his daddy’s tattoos tell a story that had me in tears that I almost bought also. BUT, I put them back. Dodged a bullet. I noticed that not spending money on those kinds of souvenirs let me do things that I otherwise wouldn’t have done. I had a glass of wine with dinner (even though it was like $18 a glass, YIKES), I went to Magic Mike Live. So, not buying STUFF, lets me DO STUFF!
Things that may be considered “cheating”, and potentially are a deal breaker for some: I got a teeny tiny tattoo while I was there. I used morse code to spell out the girls first initial’s on my wrist. While I was there I also bought a new nose stud. In Camrose I struggled to find one besides my nose stud that I could actually fit in my nose, that didn’t make it feel like it was on fire, that was gold (instead of silver). The lovely lady there helped me find one, curve it to my nose and put it in for me. I know. I shopped. But I felt like I was investing in something that I will likely never take out and I was UNABLE to find in my own city. I’m making excuses. Do I have to start the clock over? I didn’t get the same FEELING with buying something like a nose stud, or getting a tattoo, that I did with clothing. Tattoos feel much more like an “experience”, like seeing a show or going on a trip, to me. I know that may not be the case for everyone.
In some ways I’m prepared for a lot of criticism for those two things, but in some ways I feel really ok with my decisions to buy those two things. I have what feels like a crazy amount of restrictions on my life, on my time, on my eating/drinking, on my opinions, and I really really wanted a new tattoo and a new nose stud. So if that’s not ok to you, I’m sorry, but I’m really really ok with it:D Cause I didn’t buy the shoes, or the pineapple dress, or the other shoes, or run out and buy a better dress for the nightclub etc etc.
I’m off to gall bladder surgery tomorrow, wish me luck:D Hopefully next week I’ll have more coherent thoughts for you, on fast fashion, or on happiness in general. Maybe I’ll be smarter without a gall bladder? More confident? Less worried? Let’s hope so!