Guys. (Because every blogger I have ever watched on Instagram starts their stories with this word). I cheated.
I had like $200 to shop with for Christmas. And I went way over. Like $100 over. And then bought some new jewelry too. Ugh. And you know what? I don’t even know if I feel that bad about it, except that I now have to confess it.
I am not patient. I am not good at waiting. And though a lot of change has come with 2017, a lot of waiting has also. Looking back at 2017 it was hard. Super hard. Moving houses hard. Movie cities hard. Telling my in-laws that we were moving cities hard. Transitioning two kids from one city to another hard. Transitioning back into a city I haven’t lived in for 7 years hard. Wanting to move back to old city when my mother in law spent 8 hours getting rid of dandelions in my backyard. For several days in a row hard. Almost divorcing my husband if he didn’t rein in my mother in law hard. Having an organ removed hard. Living on one income hard. Starting a blog project and taking away my fun retail therapy habit hard. Having my husband commute an hour every day for work hard. Getting pregnant and losing it at 5 weeks hard. Failing to get pregnant for two months in a row hard (which, if you know us, and our previous history with the other two kids, is WEIRD). Dealing with SCHEDULES (kindergarten, ballet, gymnastics, swimming) for both kids HARD. (Dear F*** I hate having a schedule to live by every day. And someone else’s schedule?! Someone who hates wearing pants, hates leaving the house, and hates EVERYTHING until she’s tried it once and has a little sister who says no to EVERYTHING, is INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT!!)
AND THEN A PLANT STABS ME IN THE EYE ON DECEMBER 27TH. Leaving me almost immobilized with a FREAKING EYE PATCH FOR like 4 days!!!! Freaking sweet mercy life. 2017 just had to get that one last kick in my ass on the way out didn’t it?!
So you know what, I decided to go for it. I bought a shirt, a purse and a poncho. And then, because it was the last time I will likely ever get a jewelry discount of 50% (due to the magic of Christmas) I bought some new jewelry. I’m sorry, my pictures are the worst, I don’t know how people do it.
And then spent the weekend purging my jewelry and trying to avoid counting how many pairs of earrings I now own, and will own when this new batch comes in. SHAAAAAME.
But my hair looks like crap because it won’t grow. I’m not pregnant and there are like TWO PEOPLE who I know that are due the month I was supposed to be due (June, btw) and it SUCKS and I’m SAD, and I just couldn’t help it.
So what do I do now? I remember reading in the Gretchen Rubin book, “Better than Before” that one of the little white lies we tell ourselves about breaking habits is that once we break one we just tell ourselves, “Well, I’ve broken habit x just a little bit, might as well break it a LOT”. I’m paraphrasing, badly, but really, we should just jump back on the wagon is what she’s saying. Break habits in a little way, not in a big way. But part of me really doesn’t want to keep going, because it’s HARD, y’all. I know. Whine.
But I committed to this, and I’m over halfway (is there any scientific knowledge on how often habits break AFTER the halfway point because it’s just the breaking point?
How do I regroup after this? I’m SO SO SO SO SO excited for my jewelry shipment, I loooove my new purse, and can’t wait to wear my new tops. But how do I offset the cost in a month that was already tight? I’ve done the lack of Starbucks for several months. Over it. I’m trying to list a bunch of items on the Facebook buy and sell groups but to no avail. Ideas? Encouragement? Shame?
I need to edit this, it’s sooo long. Especially as I launch my editing career in a few months……maybe I’ll edit it AFTER I’m a professional editor;)